Since the last few years people in Bulgaria have begun organizing fetish and BDSM parties, following the example of the more developed communities. There we can meet new people, talk openly about our interests with like-minded guests and to have fun. As time passes ever more people start attending those parties – some are discovering the BDSM culture for the first time and other participants already have more or less experience. Compared to the communities in the USA, UK, Russia, Germany and so on, ours is relatively young and for that reason the new people are often more than those with experience and a clearer vision about the BDSM relations. That’s why we are faced with many challenges that are already in the past for other communities. The goal of this article is to address some good ideas that have been shared with me by more experienced people from countries with a more mature BDSM scene. I also intend to open a wider discussion in the forum. The opinion I’m sharing here is my own and it’s based on my observations and conversations with more knowledgeable people than me..

When you go to a fetish party for the first time, it’s possible that you may not be sure what you will see. Usually your expectations are based on what you’ve heard or seen somewhere. The internet is full of videos with the highlights from some fetish parties and often times these videos are very misleading. One may be left with the impression that a fetish party is like Sodom and Gomorrah – everyone is spanking someone, tying, groping, candle waxing, every living thing is shakin’ it an the debauchery is on maximum. In order not to make ungrounded claims, let me give you an example:

Practically, to help our good mood at the party, the organizer has the responsibility to set clear rules that everyone will adhere to. The riles vary between organizers, but they gravitate around these points:

1. No one should touch you or your toys/devices/tools without asking for permission first. (the same goes for you).
2. No one should interfere with your play with another person (if you are tying, spanking, candle waxing, playing with e-stim and so on) without your permission. That includes refraining from shouting “Hit harder! Give it to her!”, etc. It is expected from the bystanders to keep their distance and not to disturb you.
3. No one should take pictures of you without your explicit consent.
4. To keep the communication friendly.

The BDSM and fetish communities that already have experience from trial and error and multitude of unpleasant situations due to the lack of such rules, have understood that following them leads to much more pleasant experiences and a calmer environment. It is good for all of us to know that it’s our right that people at the party respect our personal space and to ask for permission to do with us or our toys what they have in mind. If someone is tied up, the Dom/rigger is responsible for that person’s physical, emotional and mental health and it’s the Dom’s obligation to express the tied up person’s consent or non-consent to be interacted with by anyone else. Those who violate another person’s rights are asked to leave the event. If they are causing problems regularly, they get banned from these events.

We could enhance our good time at a fetish party if we relax enough to dress up in a way that expresses our fetish/BDSM interest. In other words – sexy, provocative or in some other way that shows that we are not just random observers who are only interested in seeing a freak show. The more people are dressed in tune with their interest, the more natural the atmosphere will be. We could bring some of our favorite toys because it could become a good subject to meet new people and talk to them when someone expresses interest in it.

It’s a common observation that the party comes alive when the guests start playing among themselves. We could give ourselves a chance to try new things – to ask to see or try someone’s flogger; to experience bondage with someone who knows what they are doing; to try some other device or to help someone learn more about ours.

It’s often highly recommended not to get drunk at the party because we would lose the “sane” part of the BDSM postulates “safe, sande and consensual” that differentiate BDSM from violence. Drunk people usually don’t last long at such a party before they are asked to leave.

In conclusion, if we allow ourselves to be brave and open-minded to new experiences and we go to a party dressed in tune with the occasion, that would dramatically improve our chance of having a good time. It gets even better when we respect other people’s rights and we are aware of ours.

If you want to share your experience and point of view on this topic, you can do it in the dedicated discussion in the forum.