Vanilla? Where did that come from? 🙂

Before we explain about the vanilla, let’s point out something important. In all of the articles we will be discussing the benefits of the BDSM culture. It is highly likely that we could sound a little overbearing towards the people who don’t embrace BDSM for themselves. We accept that just like someone may not like to watch sumo or to ski, it is just as normal for the BDSM culture not to be to everyone’s liking. Even though we see the benefits of BDSM, we don’t allow ourselves to think that we could look down upon the vanilla-oriented people because we wouldn’t want them to do that to us either. We are trying to grow together as more tolerant towards people’s differences. We are developing our culture to accept equally the attitudes that are “out of the norm” if they don’t cause any trouble for anyone else. Homosexual, transsexual, sissies, dominants, slaves, fetishists, etc. are all personalities with their merits and good qualities, just like the people with more common sexual orientation, gender self-perception and dreams. This is why, please, don’t be offended if we sometimes sound too strong in our goal to help the BDSM and fetish-oriented people to regain their confidence to be themselves.

So, back to the topic!

The term “vanilla” comes from the ice cream flavor because it’s the most commonly found among the other flavors. Inside the BDSM communities this is how we call the classic sexual relations where there are no BDSM activities.

We could talk on this topic forever but just because we want you to keep reading, we will go straight to the conclusions.

In order to practice BDSM (whether it will be bondage, spanking, domination, hot wax play or honey sploshing, or whatever else), you need to be able to trust your partner. You need to share your dreams if you want to fulfill them. That requires communication that many vanilla couples don’t have. After playing it is healthy for the partners to discuss what has gone well and what not so that they can have an even better experience next time. That leads to … Communication, the lack of which is a major problem in the vanilla relationships. Communication brings people closer.

The effective BDSM play naturally leads to the release of greater amounts of the love hormone (oxytocin). It’s released after more touching between the partners (like the gentle caressing of the previously spanked body parts) and also during the “aftercare” following the play. We will talk about aftercare in another article. The oxytocin causes greater attachment among the partners – to an extent that the vanilla activities almost have no chance of reaching.

There are scientific studies that conclude that the people who practice BDSM have a more stable psychic health. We are not big enough specialists to be able to explain all the reasons for that, but let’s point out one: the lack of communication habits leaves many vanilla people with unrequited and misunderstood feelings, and a sense of loneliness among the people close to them. Many people have BDSM-related fantasies which they have never experienced and this dissatisfaction weighs heavily on some of them. They live in a state of frustration. Us people are social beings. We need to share. The lack of sharing is not healthy. In your BDSM relations you don’t have any other choice except to share what you dream of if you want to make your dreams come true without any big disappointments.

PS

This topic is what the movie “SM Rechter” is based on – about the effect of the unhealthy frustration, not sharing your dreams, the lack of tolerance, etc. We recommend it to you highly.