This article is of significant importance. Please, pay attention to it!

In short the “aftercare” is everything that the BDSM partners do for each other after the play has finished. Why do they need to perform aftercare?

The reason is that during a BDSM play a mix of hormones, neurochemicals and others gets released inside the body. Among them are adrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. The Endorphins are our nature given morphine – a free, non-addictive painkiller with no side effects! The endorphins get released after causing pain (we’ll talk about pain in another article) and during causing sexual pleasure. You can get high on your own endorphins during a BDSM play. And since you can’t, nor shouldn’t remain high for the rest of your life, nature kicks in again after the play is over and neutralizes the endorphins with another neurochemical – cortisol. Unfortunately, if not handled with care, the cortisol can cause depression. The depressing effect is counteracted with a lot of love – the love hormone: oxytocin. And finally we get to the point! Here’s how the aftercare stimulates the release of oxytocin:

1. Don’t leave your partner alone or to go home immediately after play. Keep each other company until your heads come back to the real world.
2. Cover your “victim” (partner) with a blanket if they get cold (which is likely after the excitement subsides)
3. Take care of your partner’s body after it’s been the subject of BDSM activities. Massage the aching areas, treat the injuries if you’ve caused any, hug and caress your mate.
4. Take care of your partner’s emotional health – encourage them with supportive words – that they have been great, that you are proud of them, that you didn’t really mean all those nasty words you told them, that you cherish their trust and other truths.
5. Bring some snacks or drinks to regain your strength after your intensive experiences.

All these advices are elements of the so called “Five love languages”. There’s a book under that title from Gary Chapman that we passionately recommend. The summarized meaning of all these actions is that can do some of the gestures that stimulates your partner’s oxytocin the strongest. It’s different for each person but it also falls into some of these categories:

1. Spending quality time together
2. Touching
3. Encouraging and edifying words
4. Gifts/presents – to give something from yourself to your partner
5. Taking care of your partner or their own tasks instead of them

If you don’t know what your partner’s primary love language is, just “speak” all of them and you have a good chance of touching the right one. The others are also a great bonus.

PS

The aftercare is important for both partners – both the Top and the bottom (the leader and follower). Both can experience depression a few days after the play if they don’t take care of each other. As we mentioned in another article – how many vanilla couples have the culture to speak each other’s love languages (even if they don’t know they are called that way)? – Few..