BDSM includes activities that can be dangerous if done without a clear mind (sanely), with attention to safety and consensually. The danger can be more than physical. A person can be hurt mentally if they are injured or if their trust and will gets abused. In this article we scratch the surface of a very major theme that’s also very simple. Let’s point out the most prominent conclusions that we’ve managed to reach so far.

In short we will only talk about in terms of Dominant and submissive, although we take into consideration that there are fine differences from the roles of Master/slave, Top/bottom, sadist/masochist. The Dom(inant) bares responsibility for their sub’s physical, mental and emotional health. The sub has entrusted the Dom to take care not to harm the sub while they are unable to unable to take care of themselves. It’s a good practice that:

• the Dom inquires about the sub’s condition and the sub informs the Dom if their body can endure a particular position, whether they have any injuries, blood pressure problems, breathing problems, blood circulation issues; whether they are well rested, fed, hydrated, stretched; whether they are depressed, angry, overly emotional, overly sensitive or less sensitive; whether they are getting ill. These condition could be permanent or temporary. All possible problems must be discussed in order to minimize the risk of accidents.
• the partners discuss clearly which activities they absolutely don’t want to happen or for which they may have doubts and worries that may be negotiated (a.k.a hard and soft limits)
• the partners choose clear safewords and signs that the sub can use to signal that they want the play to reduce its intensity or stop altogether. After all sometimes you want to say “no” while you think “yes” and the play wouldn’t stop. That’s why the safewords should be different (like “red” and “yellow” as the most commonly used, but it could be something extraordinary like “peanut butter and jelly time!” 🙂 )
• the Dom doesn’t allow anyone else to touch or interact with the sub during the play if they haven’t agreed otherwise beforehand.
• the Dom doesn’t leave their sub alone in a helpless state. You wouldn’t want to find your partner in an agony from a cramp or having suffocated after accidentally choking, right? We allow ourselves to speak brutally on this topic because the risks are real.
• the Dom doesn’t make jokes with their sub’s trust – such as stating “now I’m going to leave you alone all night and/or I’m going to send some of my friends to come mess with you”. This may be a plain joke, but the sub’s emotional state could be affected by the play and the sub could panic, thinking that the Dom may actually be serious. Such jokes could cause irreparable damage do the trust these partners have and could cause the sub to be unable to trust other people in the future.
• the Dom and sub maintain some sort of communication – verbal or not – about whether everything is OK. It’s good that the Dom checks their sub for signs of physical or emotional problems, but the sub also is responsible of informing the Dom if they are able to. The Dom couldn’t figure out by him/herself all the problems and it shouldn’t be expected of them.
• the partners spend enough time for aftercare when the play is over. It’s not just the sub that needs it. The Dom can also need some encouragement and to hear that they’ve done well. If the Dom has made a mistake, it’s possible that they may be suffering emotionally and to fall into depression after the hormonal imbalance in their body.

The Dom’s responsibility increases if the sub enters subspace because then it’s possible for the sub to stop talking or to become incoherent, or to be so disconnected that they won’t respond to any harm they may be experiencing.

On the other hand, if the sub consciously doesn’t inform the Dom that they are being harmed (for example feels that they have a pinched nerve), then practically the sub is violating the Dom’s will and that counts as violence towards the Dom. The Dom might not be able to deal with the thought that a person has been harmed under their care.

This topic can be stretched indefinitely, but even if you follow only these guidelines, you will set the foundation for quality relations and you will avoid many hidden obstacles that could give you bad experiences.