It’s extremely important that I stress enough, that in this article I will write about role-playing games between mature, consenting, sane and responsible people. Everything is done for the pleasure and/or satisfaction of all partners. I do not condone any form of violence. Anything you may decide to apply from this article, you do at your own risk. Inform yourself well.

The consensual non-consent activities (in short CNC) are not for beginners. They are rightfully considered as edge play – on the edge of the safe, the consensual and even the law. You need solid knowledge of the BDSM culture – the type we are trying to develop with you as you read the other articles on BDSM.bg. Please read more about the consent in this article before you continue with the current one, if you’ve discovered BDSM recently.

I share the observation that there are many people with interests in BDSM who are not satisfied with standing on all fours only because their partner has ordered them so. Here we will talk about forcing someone, helplessness, breaking someone’s will, abduction play, rape play, captivity, etc. I have complete respect towards people who are happy with gifting their Dominant with their submission without the need of bondage, force, breaking of the will and so on. This type of BDSM dynamics between partners is absolutely Ok and I do not reject it. The article is meant for those of us, who need a more intensive approach in order to release control, sink into the play and fulfill our fantasy.

       Let me give you a personal example: as a switch I define my bottoming role as a captive. I really like the feeling of helplessness, inescapable bondage and being dependent on my partner’s will to decide whether she will bring me pleasure, pain or she’ll leave me tied up without doing anything to me. I like to feel that I can’t stop my partner from playing with me. I do not tolerate bondage that I can get out of – staying in it would mean that I’m pretending to be tied up. I want to resist and fight.

A BDSM porn model was asked: “Do you like to be ass-raped? – No, I hate it! But I love hating it!”

Before we get to the different types of CNC play (at least the ones I can think of), let’s point out some conditions that will help us achieve mutual satisfaction with our partner instead of getting ourselves in prison due to stupidity.

The partners need to know each other very well and to have a lot of experience together.

They need to know:

• what are their hard and soft limits. We often forget that the Dominant also has limits – he/she may not consent that their partner gets hurt or harmed in some ways – bruises, swellings, wounds, nerve damage or emotional trauma, etc.
• what’s their partner’s mental and physical health
• what could cause panic
• how does their partner’s panic look like – do they cry and scream, do they laugh, do they freeze like they are stunned or do they sink in their inside safe world
• what are their emotional triggers – do they have emotional traumas that can resurface from a particular action – like face slaps, some particular words or a situation. If you trigger someone, this may ruin the trust between you or at least your play.
• how do they react when they enjoy themselves or not
• what are the conditions, under which they will be playing. This helps you have peace of mind that you are safe, even if your play is very intensive. Another benefit is that when the submissive knows what they have agreed on, they don’t have to renegotiate their consent for what’s happening during the play. The clear rules and direction of the play help you stop analyzing everything and you can sink into the “game”.
• what are the safe words they can use to soften or stop the play (in case they are not playing without such words)

I can’t stress enough the necessity of having a clear mind, unaffected by drugs, alcohol, fatigue, anger, sickness, etc. Everything that could impair your judgement or your physical endurance can potentially cause a big consent violation or can get someone hurt or killed.

 

Before you plunge into a consensual-non-consent play it’s important that you communicate as much as possible if you want to fulfill your fantasy instead of causing yourself to feel like a victim of violence. Some couples spend a few years of getting to know each other and practicing together before they get into some of the following activities:

 

• Rape play – there’s a vague statistic that the rape fantasy is common among a large percentage of women (above 50%). This, though, doesn’t mean real rape, which is horrible, traumatizing, violent and in NO WAY OK. They want to fulfill their fantasy under controlled circumstances. For example:
  • with someone they know
  • with clearly defined limits
  • with negotiated safe words to stop the play at any time
  • with a time limit between the dates they can expect the play to surprisingly begin
• Captivity play
• Abduction play
• No safe words play. Here’s an example: A Dom and sub have negotiated that the sub will be tied up and caned without safe words. She (the sub) wants to experience the excitement from the upcoming play, from the fear, pain, tears, the begging. After the play the sub shares that if she would have had a safe word, she would have stopped the play after the third cane stroke, because her fear was strong. Since she had no safe word, she had experienced a very satisfying and memorable “punishment” – just what she wanted. The safe word would have deprived her of this experience.
• Public humiliation – like face slaps, shouting, stripping, sex, being forced to wear humiliating clothing and so on. I did mention controlled circumstances…

So how can we realize some of those types of play? Let’s discuss some possible scenarios for controlled circumstances that would help us not turn the play into violence. Let’s begin with:

• Rape play
  • if you and your partner have agreed that you don’t want to scare her into thinking that she is actually being raped by some unknown person, but you want her to fight and refuse having sex in this moment, you can:
    • piss her off before that
    • to drag her away from something important that she’s doing
    • to grab her rough and stress her senses intensely – whether with face slaps, spanking her butt or other body parts, choking, etc. As I write all this I feel the need to stress for the infinite time that these activities are on the edge of the safe and the consensual. It’s extremely important that we approach CNC play with a very clear mind, a lot of empathy toward our partner’s needs and deep understanding how to perform these activities safely.
  • if you want there to be more fear and more “authentic” rape experience, the “victim” can give her “rapist” a key to her apartment, so that he can surprise her some night while she’s asleep. He can wear a mask and not reveal himself so that the woman can can be aware that she has negotiated such a play and at the same time not be absolutely certain that he is her partner.
  • the “rapist” can inform himself about his “victim’s” schedule and “attack” her in a secluded place. For example she may like to jog in an empty forest. This approach is very risky, because you can be discovered by some random person who doesn’t know that you are playing and that it’s consensual, and you may have trouble with the police.
  • the “rapist” can stalk his “victim” while she’s getting home and he can pretend that he’s robbing her place.
  • you could use sleeping pills and tie your “victim” while she’s asleep so that she will wake up tied up and helpless. Keep in mind that the sleeping pills are not a toy and you need to consult with an informed specialist about what’s suitable for your partner. I mentioned earlier that it’s highly recommended to discuss all the details of the play with your partner. This may feel like it’s diminishing the thrill, but it’s better this way compared to the thrill of a rape lawsuit or the vivid memory of causing unintentional death.
    
  • you can share your scenarios in the forum topic, so that we can all enrich this article

 

• Captivity play
  • one way to do it is to negotiate with your partner to tie you up or cuff you, or lock you in a way that you can’t escape and keep you captive for a certain length of time
  • a slightly more exciting option is to visit your partner and while you’re chatting they would put a single handcuff on you, which is attached to the wall via a chain. Then they can give you a minute to decide if you want to be let go or you would stay. If you wish to go, you’ll be released and shown the door. If you choose to stay, you will be theirs for a day, weekend, a week …
  • an even more exciting way is to have negotiated your captivity beforehand, but to be unaware when it’s going to happen. Then you may still realize the scenario with the visit, but as soon as you are handcuffed, the play begins. The keys for the handcuff are beyond your reach and you can’t make your captor release you. From there on they can force you to put a pair of handcuffs behind your back. Use your imagination to finish the scenario. 🙂

For some BDSM practitioners it’s very exciting to be broken into submission. This can be achieved using many approaches – seduction, manipulation, coercion with fear, pain, torture, suffering in a difficult position, sexual stimulation, thirst, hunger, toilet usage control, humiliations, etc.

The coercion and the helplessness also provide a solution to a common problem: after dominating a guy, some women can no longer see that man in a sexual way – as someone who can fuck them. They have just watched him crawl on all fours saying “Yes, Mistress” to every order of theirs while he is free to stand up, grab her by the neck and show her what’s what. In a way it’s normal for the ladies to have a hard time switching their attitude towards the man and allowing him to dominate.

 

Indeed, the man is usually stronger than the woman and, if no martial arts are used (which I find to be a bit distasteful), then the difference in strength makes it difficult for the woman to subdue the man by force. After all the BDSM culture offers compromises as solutions how to soften a potentially traumatizing situation into something manageable and sexy. My personal solution is to allow the lady to even our strength difference by tying me up somehow (like with handcuffs). From there on, if she want’s me to do as she says, she would need to make me do it. She can try forcing me or disciplining me. But she should be mindful that after she releases me, I may turn the play around and let her have it. According to my personal experience, this brings more thrill and excitement in the play and also the woman doesn’t stop seeing me as a guy who could fuck her.

• Abduction play
  • you can realize the abduction play similarly to the rape play scenarios – during a pre-negotiated time period you can surprise the “victim” in the open or by entering their home, using the key that they have given you. A pair of handcuffs and a hood are some of the possible tools that you can use to create an abduction sensation in your partner. Make sure that you won’t scare your partner so much that they would think they are actually being abducted. If you allow this to happen, your play may turn into a very ugly memory that may ruin your relationship, get you in prison, cause death and other “nice” things.

 

As a big fan of captive play, I will add a few ideas for tools that you can use to make your partner helpless with no way of escape.

As I mentioned earlier, in the beginning you can use a single handcuff, attached to a ring on the wall via a chain. You could use a single leg cuff either on their ankle or, during the rape or abduction play, to cuff both hands together. An interesting alternative is to use a neck cuff for extra fun, but it putting it on requires more care in order not to pinch the skin.

 

You can also use thumb cuffs. They are inescapable without a key or a suitable paper clip, or something else to pick the lock with. They are also very practical for wearing in your pocket.

 

After you’ve put the handcuff on, you can motivate your partner to allow you to make them even more helpless, using many different approaches. You could seduce them or keep them chained up until they start suffering from boredom or the need to go to the toilet, or spray them with cold water, or you could whip them from a distance with:

After you put handcuffs behind their back, you can switch them with something safer like:

They are locking, of course 🙂 Don’t take off the handcuffs before you’ve secured the leather cuffs or whatever else you’re using. You could also put them in shackles if you like that:

This cangue / yoke (for neck and wrists) is especially effective. Especially when you attach a pair of leg cuffs to the yoke’s  padlock and put your partner in a sitting position.

 

The electric shock collar for dogs is an especially efficient instrument:

This model has 100 power settings. Setting 1 is unpleasant an disciplining enough to make your partner submit to your wishes. Meanwhile it’s nothing crazy or unbearable. Settings 5-6 do cause more suffering and are punishing just right. With their hands tied behind their back, your partner won’t be able to take the collar off. Still, go easy when you increase the power. Every person has different resistance to electricity. You should know that after the initial shock the skin may begin to sweat, thus lowering its electrical resistance, which will increase the painfulness of the shock. Keep in mind that even though playing with an electric shock collar may not cause problems to me or many other people, your partner’s body may not endure such stimulation, Do your best to get informed about the risks and decide whether both/all of you accept them.

Of course, you can use the good ol’ rope.

Well, don’t use any random or old rope. You can see what choice of rope you have in this article. You can learn some stable and diverse knots and ties on our rope bondage video tutorial page.

I also find a lot of excitement in the use of the locking butt plug (pear of anguish) and the feeling of helplessness and dependency that it creates. It originates from medieval times but nowadays it has been redesigned in a soft and safe way:

 

It spreads manually after it’s inserted in the anus. After you lock it with a padlock, your partner won’t be able to take it out if they are not trained for fisting. In addition you can attach the plug to the heating pipes or to a wall mounted ring using a chain. Thus your partner won’t be able to go anywhere, even though they are not tied up.

You can experience additional helplessness by using a chastity belt or similar underwear. They are used to prevent someone from having sex or masturbating. Here are two male models. There are also female ones and many design variations:

 

Let’s not forget mummification with stretch folio and duct tape or the straitjackets and also the cages:

I could keep showing you many other devices but I remembered that its possible that many of the aforementioned ones could be frightening you. Let me share with you that almost all of those devices used to scare me years ago, but as time passed I could find scenarios where their usage could be very arousing and could lead to a very satisfying and memorable play.

As a conclusion – even though I speak not only from my personal experience, but from what I’ve learned from other BDSM practitioners, I can only offer you a limited point of view. There are countless consensual non-consent play variations – some softer, some harsher than the ones in this article. I would be happy to add your contribution to this topic. You can share your approaches, fantasies and solutions in the dedicated forum topic.