Author: Laerien

Translation: Silent Teddy Bear

 

Everybody starts this journey after meeting rope bondage somewhere, and that will obviously bring some ideas and preconceptions. This is all natural, after all, we see something that inspires us to want to try it, or to reach a goal. 

Some potential positive ways you first met rope bondage: 

• Porn… Let us not deny it, probably the biggest percentage. 
• An article where somebody presented the exotic nature of the thing to vanilla people
• Some artwork, picture coming your way
• Your own interest and search related to kink and BDSM, which will very quickly present you this form
• Cultural interest in Japan

Some negative ways can be action or horror movies, or trendy music videos by people with no understanding that behind rope bondage stands a very extensive culture. These sources can affect you to conclude that only psychopaths or other mentally ill people find satisfaction in the activities we talk about in this article.

These initial impressions will clearly have a huge effect on what you have in mind when you think of rope bondage and what are you looking for in your partners. As you learn more about it, your preconceptions and desires might change as well. 

 

Why the long intro? Because I wanted to show how complex bondage is, and why you can’t compare one “introduction” into rope to the others. But there can be some recurring themes when it comes to the differences between how you imagined it vs what it is actually like. So I collected some myths and funny preconceptions. Some of them are mine, some of them I heard from others. 

So my background…I have to admit that I first saw consensual bondage related to my late teenage research about BDSM, on some pictures. Then I got the first real glimpses of it in porn that was tying Western style, usually operating just with restriction. If you have ever seen a hogtied video, you know what I am talking about. “Shibari” in its Japanese or so called original form came much later for me. 

 

Safety

 

Rope bondage is “not that bad”, “not so dangerous”, “good starter into the world of kink”

One of the worst myths! Apart from extreme BDSM activities involving knives, piercings, fire, it is commonly agreed among experienced practitioners that rope bondage is among the most dangerous kinks you can have. We are all aware that sticking a knife into someone can kill them, fire can burn them, getting infections can make you seriously ill. We know these things because of our education and our experiences. (And frankly, survival instincts.) But unless you are a soldier with special training, you probably did not have any experience with being tied up. We don’t know the dangers of nerve compression (which is the biggest issue with ropes, in my opinion), we are not trained to self-diagnose it. We are usually no experts in rope types either. For the untrained eye, one knot could be looking exactly like the other, and we could get in trouble tying something self-tightening or collapsible under tension. You can encounter many safety issues with rope bondage!. Everybody knows that if they miss with an impact toy, it can be bad. I have heard many people underestimate the much bigger risks of ropes!

 

Equipment 

 

“I would like to buy just 2 pieces of rope, I am not planning to do any complex things”

This is the line that makes me smile the most. 🙂  I often hear it at the end of a beginners rope workshop. Okay, I understand that many people will use what they learned to tie hands to a bed frame. For that, it is enough. But sometimes, when they try to do more, they are surprised just how quickly they run out of rope! You make a few wraps around the body, and barely anything is left of the doubled 8 meter rope. I am always amazed by looking at the “battlefield” after rope play, and see so many of them lying around. A complex suspension can easily take 8×8 meters… 

“You don’t need much to do rope bondage.”

Yes, you mostly need a few bundles of rope, but you should have a pair of safety scissors or shears to be safe from the beginning. For ground bondage this can be enough, but as you progress, you will need more ropes. One rope material works better for dynamic suspensions, the other will look better for pictures. Then you may need carabiners, then maybe a ring, then anchor/suspension points in your ceiling. I have rarely seen a rigger pack his set into anything smaller than a decent backpack. 

 

The rope scenes

 

“Just tie me up quickly…”

I think it was my biggest surprise just how long it can take to create those ties. I am a very impatient person. I have to admit that I have often fast forwarded some rope performances, especially when the basis was created, such as a “gote” tie or a hip harness. Yeah, bring me THE ACTION! Well, you can’t fast forward when you are there. And don’t forget that you often see the best of the best performing. Unless you have such a rigger as a partner, they will be slower. And that is completely alright, you were just too used to see Usain Bolt running, so when you have the local champion by your side, you might be surprised. 

 

The flow will be mesmerising. Communicating without words…

It can be! But it usually won’t start like that. 🙂  First you need to communicate a lot using words mostly because of the safety issues. Then later as you get to know each other better, and gain experience together, less and less talk will be needed. If the rigger has strong empathy, this really helps them sense their partner’s needs. I am not sure how much of that can be learned. You can get ever better at it, but some people seem more gifted with it than others. If your empathic side is not that strong, you need to develop it as much as you can, or compensate with communication.

What you need to achieve a speechless and mesmerising bondage session is practice together, getting to know your partner’s body language and facial microexpressions, why they burst out laughing, why they stop responding much, how do they look when they are enjoying themselves (even the discomfort). You should be aware that your partner’s responses will vary in different situations. For example now we know that I give less feedback when other people are watching, which makes the life of my partner more difficult during workshops and performances. He needs to rely on his previous experience with how much stress he can put me through.

You also need technical skills to quickly fix issues before much explanation is needed. Don’t rush to get mesmerised. It’s not a goal to be sprinted towards. It happens if you work on it.

 

When the scene is over…

 

Okay, if you come from porn you rarely see the construction or deconstruction of a tie. So again, you forget it takes time. Or when it comes to your fantasies, they usually end after your had an orgasm, or the punishment, or the picture taken was taken, or whatever floats your boat. I never spoke to somebody whose fantasy included untying.

“Unfortunately”, it is necessary, but fortunately, it does not have to be boring 🙂  It can be part of the play, if you use it for bonding with your partner. I enjoy untying a lot if I feel destroyed, and it feels like a deeply caring part of the scene, as my partner unwraps the ropes, and massages my aching muscles along the way.   

“Rope play is fun, and then…”

As it is true with all BDSM-related activities, you need the proper care as the tying comes to an end. Rope scenes bring you to a different world by a potentially extreme experience for your body and maybe a cathartic one for your mind. As the rope scene draws near you need to slowly and safely return to normal life.

Another thing to consider: rope play leaves marks which might be more difficult to hide than impact play marks on your butt. I was surprised to see my first bruises. If it is on the upper arm, calves, thighs, they are a lot more difficult to hide, especially in the Summer. 

 

Due to the length of the article, we will continue in part 2